Judgement from the community.

[Fawn]

I am unsure if anyone has noticed, but I have and it's really depressing. It happens a lot on crys.
Imagine back to when you just joined your very first avatar forum. You're as nooby as it gets and you're really shy.
You explore and you post your mini autobio on an introduction forum.
Wow! Look at all the people who replied and made you feel extremely welcome.
You go through the next week or two satisfied and hopeful you have made some new friends.
On week three you decide to create your own topic for people to chat with you and your newly acquired friends.. or so you thought. After the opening post someone posts, "First post!" as you notice the reply you try to converse. They don't reply. You go through three days with no reply.
You become a Lurker constantly watching everyone and how they'e happy with their friends.

Now, I don't know about any of you but I feel it is extremely unjust of one or more people to judge a person for their avatar and amount of items they own. Everyone is human right? If you dislike their attitude that's your own position, but haven't you ever wanted to fit in? At one point you were a newbie too.

I remember joining and hoping to befriend many new people and you should too.

Have you ever judged someone based on their looks, Why or Why not?
Do you believe someone's appearance should justify their personality as incapable of befriending?
Has this ever happened to you and how did it make you feel?


Sorry if this is the wrong forum. I wasn't too sure. xD

[Konti]

I thought maybe this would be more a general discussion topic? *shrugs* Either way, good topic.

I experienced this too, for sure. It's sad, especially considering that not everyone cares to acquire all of the items. Some people think simple is better for them and due to their avatar not being draped in expensive and rare items, they get treated as if they're lesser people in the avatar community. :\

The point of avatar sites, as far as I see it, is to customize your avatar YOUR way and to have make new friends/socialize. The experience is not focused on "who has the better avatar", because that is a matter of opinion. I mean, avatar contests and such options are out there for people who like to compete like that, but there is no reason to push this competition on those who...aren't trying to compete with you. Y'know?

In other words...I don't see why the avatar should matter more than what the person is saying (just like in real life...judge by the content of the character). Just like people, avatars come in all colors and kinds, and all of them together make a well-rounded community.

[Fawn]

Very true. I edited that It would be suited for GD but I get my phone never posted it. D8
Feel free to move it.

And it's so sad to see such beautiful people get denied friendship because of their appearance.

:c

[Mania]

Moved to General Discussion.

[Fawn]

Thank you m'dear. c:

[Kenome MoMoshima]

I try and talk to anyone I can,
Regardless of how they look.
What matters is on the inside.

And even though I've made a lot of friends on crysandrea I can still go days without someone replying to me in my hangout.
So then I thought okay..
Well I'll still comment and if someone comments I'll answer.
But it's like my hangout on there made it to 1k,
Everyone almost disappeared.

I try and talk to everyone.
I really do..

[Fawn]

I used to be a Lurker until I realized there are people who are alone because no one talks to them, it makes me want to squash them in a giant bear hug. D8
Most of the time I just feel like a bother, though.
But it's effort that counts.

[Amethyst Mist]

I only judge people on their avatars in the rate and which above is better threads. xD
Though when new users join I avoid them for the first week. mainly because new users can be a little... Awkward to talk to during their first week.

[Fawn]

I just don't think they should be ignored despite being new. It's still judgemental by saying they're awkward. I mean, they may seem a little shy, but they still deserve attention.

[Amethyst Mist]

I know. I had already told myself I'm gonna be more welcoming when the new site opens. After joining a few new sites, I remember now how hard it is to find a place to chat without feeling like a bit of an outcast. Espeacially on older sites where everyone already knows everyone.

[Fawn]

Exactly! D8

[iggs]

I became a lurker on Crys, but I didn't really branch out beyond my hangout that died after a little while. It was The Newbie Hangout, so I was hoping to get new members to join there and make friends where they won't be judged like that, but then I went I hiatus and the hangout died without me.

In V3, everyone is starting out fresh, and I think that's good. Everyone will come back on equal footing and we can all get along like the V3 newbies we will be. :3

[Amethyst Mist]

Hopefully, though I already expect a few people to come back to V3 boasting about making it to 3 versions of the site, acting better then everyone else because They've been with the site since day one and blah blah blah.

[Link]

Don't fret I feel like that everyday, and I have been a member for 4 years.....

[Konti]

You've felt like what, Linklee? (also I love your avatar)

[Link]

Hey thanks....Basically I always feel like the outcast....It is the reason I started a lurkers hangout in 2009.....

[Amethyst Mist]

Don't worry Link, I feel the same in a lot of threads. And all the "What does such and such think of you", made me realize I felt right.
Apparently a lot of crysandrea hates me.

Oh well, I like lurking and talking to only a few people.

[Link]

I am not really concerned about what people think about me......the way I see it your either going to love me or hate me for who I am....I just do my best to stay out of peoples way if they have problems with me. Mostly I just mind me own business and that suits me just fine

[Amethyst Mist]

Yeah, lately I've started caring less about peoples opinions and caring more about just doing what makes me happy. Fck em'.

[Tadhana]

[Removed the wall o' text]

[Konti]

Taddy ilu
Yeah but what she said. I was also always bullied and picked on, but I often came to realize that those same people who picked on me were often hurting inside.
I really agree with what Taddy said about how judging is instinctual, but choosing your words wisely is a choice. I'll be the first to admit that I tend to speak before I think in-person, but while online I always re-read my post and try to think about how I would feel if I were the one intended to view the message. Simply standing back and directing your words at yourself first can help you figure out how much they might hurt another person by saying them.

Another point that I might make here is how you can reach out to the "lurkers" in life. The majority of my friends (Hah I say that as if I have a sea of them but no) were sitting along and I simply walked up and said "hello" and introduced myself. This can easily apply to avatar communities as well. If you see someone who is getting bashed because (heaven forbid) they posted in the wrong forum or misspelled a word or don't have a gorgeous avatar or something...maybe post and let them know gently, "it's alright, I've been there. :)"

This leads right back into what Taddy was saying: this world is becoming, sadly, increasingly disunited. Just as a quick example...I've been seeing pictures of overweight or disfigured people on the internet showing up on "damnlol" and other "funny image sites" with titles that are just mean. Every time I see stuff like that, I think, "that's not funny. What if you were browsing the internet and saw a picture of you like that..?" After being treated that way in my past, these things make me cringe.

Just to briefly touch on another point here based on all that I've read in this topic thus far: hey, not letting others' judgement of you get to you is great! But (again like Taddy said), you don't have to completely disregard well-intentioned advice about how to better yourself, either. My general rule is this: listen to what others say, THINK about what they said, reflect on it, then decide what course of action to take. If a lot of people say you're rude, for example, then maybe you should think about how you word things next time. But if people say "you're stupid", that may be an opinion you could choose to disregard. Think, "am I really stupid, or is this person just being mean?" And if you know you're not stupid, then say "eff it!" xD

tl;dr: There is nothing wrong with judging people; that is just what we all do. Don't throw away peoples' opinions of you, but don't take them too personally, either. By that same token, watch what you're saying about others -- especially to their face er...avatar.

OHEY WALL O' TEXT YEH
P.S.- I didn't like those topics about "what do I think of you" either. Some of them were funny and cute, but some of them got out-of-hand and harsh. :\ I personally avoided many of the topics because I feel that if anyone has something to say about me, they can send me a private message...and if I ever care to know what someone thinks of me, I'll ask that person.

[Tadhana]

Aha, yeah walls o' text! *highfives*

And yeah, it's mostly really taking things in moderation both ways.

I personally didn't mind them being harsh because I saw good feedback and honesty in them. I think that's better than just saying omg ilu even if you...well...don't.

[Fawn]

You guys are taking this topic too far from what I read. There is a difference between rough criticism and being judgemental. Criticism is okay and is a constructive part of society everyone has a choice to accept. But when someone is being judgemental, they don't really know you but despite that they decide it's okay to tell you how you should act, or they make fun of you for being who you are.

My point in this thread is to bring to light that when youre being judgemental and excluding people from an event, friendly activity, roleplay or even your common hangout because you dislike their avatar or sucj, it really hurts someone's feelings. It's basically a branch of cyberbullying and it really isn't fun, funny, or acceptable. It hurts.

[Tadhana]

Oh, whoops. Sorry about that. I can like remove my post or something.

But if it all boils down to an avatar, I honestly can't see why people would be so judgmental over such a small thing. It's really one of those things that happen on a wide scale on Gaia (one of the reasons being that people with newbie avatars on Gaia tend to be spammers/bots/hackers/scammers/trolls with throwaway accounts/etc) but I don't think I've ever seen it other than the usual 'Hey, you're in the newbie shirt are you a newbie? Then welcome!' that happens outside of the introduction forums.

Heck, I was one of those newbies that ran around in their pixel underwear and I felt right at home in the community after a while. Though honestly, there were those times that people thought I was a perv or a slut for having an underwear-clad avi. I still remember someone saying something around the lines of "oh, I bet she got a lot of gifts because of the slutty avatar!" :'3

I'm one of those people who let people's words and posts speak for themselves as a person instead of their avatar. :'3

[Fai]

I don't have this experience cause I'm an oldbie and people always post in my threads. >>

But I never ignore the people who post in my threads. I'll reply to anyone. ;~; I don't like when people feel ignored and I don't like it when people lurk.

I call them dirty lurkers who hog all the best snacks!

Though sometimes I'll go through the online users list and send a random PM to users I don't know well and see what they're up to. I'll find a place to chat with them. c: I would have done this with you, but I think you joined on a hiatus of mine. As a university student, I sometimes get unbearably busy.

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